First love

            Girlfriend, you have not been an easy baby.  There were the bilirubins that inexorably rose, there was the colic-that-turned-out-to-be-reflux, and there were the six weeks during which a three-hour stretch of sleep seemed like a gift from the gods.  Even as I write this, I need to pause to go pick you up because this morning has been a series of five-minute nursing sessions punctuated by naps from which you awaken within twenty minutes of putting you down.

            No, you have not been an easy baby, and it has been sort of hard to tell whether you are even a cute baby, since most of the first five weeks you were either yellow with jaundice or purple with screaming.

            But, then, on Saturday, when I pulled you in to nurse, looking down and smiling at you because, despite it all I seem to adore you, you looked me right in the eye, and you smiled back.  Your smile very clearly said, “Hi, there, Mommy.  I think you are wicked awesome.”  Which is good, because I think you are wicked awesome, too.

            And then you turned to suck another layer of skin off of my nipple.  

15 responses to “First love

  1. I can certainly relate to those feelings. My youngest was not an easy baby either, for similar reasons.

    But…it’s worth the struggle. They really are wicked awesome. Sometimes just wicked. Sometimes just awesome. But always worth it.

  2. Those first smiles are so amazing. Why do they have to be so very long in coming?

    The first time Theo smiled at me, which was during a diaper change, I was so happy I exclaimed something enthusiastic in a rather loud way. Which startled him so much he almost cried.

  3. They seem to know exactly when to smile so we don’t put them on ebay.

  4. Those are nice moments.

    I think you’re wicked awesome, too. And I promise to leave your boobies alone.

  5. Baby smiles are the best. We got our first glimpse of Marley’s smiles in the early mornings when we would change her diapers.

    I should have realized that meant she was going to be a morning person. I am not a morning person!

  6. They can melt your heart, not matter how much hell you have been through…all with a smile or a twinkle in the eye…hold her close and experience the power of motherhood.

    Thank you for sharing this intimate emotion and realization. It has made me stop and put things into persepctive.

  7. oh this is so sweet

  8. Oh the first smile is worth everything.

    Wait until you get the first laugh. It’s heart melting. We got that last week. I about cried at his teeny laugh.

  9. Both of my children were complete terrors when they were babies, so I understand the whole “I love you, but I’m not sure why” thing. I also understand that a sweet smile can cure even the most tender of nipples.

  10. Awesome post.

    It sounds exactly like the first several weeks with my firstborn – minus the biliruben.

  11. Sounds so much like my Persistence. She is a challenging child, same went for baby time, and yet there is a magic and miracle in her.

  12. Love it!
    As I describe E as “passionate,” you may want to describe Lilah as “colorful”


  13. Such a refreshingly honest and yet sweet post that I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. 🙂

  14. ewe’s comment cracks me up! 🙂

  15. Reflux. Been there for 13 months. Yes 13 months. The poor child lived in a exercise saucer from 3 months until he could stand straight.

    Good times.