Questionable Interrogation Techniques

            Far too busy committing war crimes during his two terms in office, George W. Bush never did get around to signing the War Crimes Treaty.  Now, however, there is a new sheriff in town, so I have sent him a little note:

Dear President Obama,

I am writing to encourage you to sign the War Crimes Treaty.  Actually, I’d like to you re-sign it, since we signed it once before but your predecessor decided to back out.  I think that the International Criminal Court is a very handy little institution and that the United States ought to support it.

United States participation in the International Criminal Court will make it much easier for those dudes over in The Hague to try George W. Bush for war crimes.  Should they have a hard time establishing that he committed any war crimes, let’s try some “questionable interrogation techniques,” such as waterboarding or sleep deprivation, to get him to admit his guilt.  After all, he has already proven how effective these techniques can be.

Mr. President, I know times are hard and that the government is kind of short on cash right now.  So, if you need donations to help fund George W. Bush’s flight over for his trial, I am happy to donate to the Haul George W.’s Butt Into Court Fund.  I think I may know another couple of people who are willing to donate, as well.

And, by the way, I think you are doing a pretty good job, no matter what people say.  Making those D.O.J. reports public was an act of integrity, which has been sorely missing from Pennsylvania Avenue for almost a decade.  Carry on, sir.

All the best,

Emily Rosenbaum

            Oh, yes, I did.  Please feel free to write your own note, or you can use mine.  I don’t mind.

11 responses to “Questionable Interrogation Techniques

  1. “Carry on, sir.” Snort. You sound like Keith Olbermann here. Which is cool. Because I adore KO.

  2. I’m Canadian, so I don’t think that my support would be of much help. But I still totally love your note. 🙂

  3. I’m sure the donation pot would be full. In addition to money, I’d bet a slew of shoes might be offered as a bonus.

  4. Have I told you my favourite Bush joke? When he’s told by his advisors that three Brazilian soldiers have been killed in conflict, George Wubbleyou puts his head in his hands and rocks back and forth in distress. When his advisors look at him in alarm, he asks ‘How many millions is there in a Brazilian?’

    I’d pay to see him in court any day.

  5. here, here.

  6. hallelujah and amen

  7. Y’know. . . I’ve been torn on this. When GW first started eliminating civil liberties I was horrified and predicted all sorts of abuses against normal citizens, which fortunately never really materialized. Now that the CIA report comes out I find myself thinking that I had expected much worse and many more victims. Instead it seems surprisingly restrained. If any of these people were actually terrorists who had information that could prevent civilians or children from being killed, I’m honestly not sure what side I’m on. I mean, if you’re sitting with some guy who’s friends are about to blow up a building do you offer him a cup of tea and say, ‘Now then, what can you tell us? Oh, nothing? Well, I guess that’s it then, thanks.’

  8. I’m typically not a proponent of torture…But why do I not have a problem with water-boarding Khalid Sheikh Mohammed (The man who orchestrated the 9/11 attacks) 183 times???

  9. Sadly, I don’t think waterboarding or sleep dep would work on the brainless wonder. Let’s give Cheney a go!!!!!

  10. I’m with honeypie. It’s hard to say what I would do if I were faced with the terrorist who had info for the destruction of my kids’ preschool. Slap him on the wrist and utter a “tsk, tsk, tsk?” It’s idealistic to hope for no “torture”- whatever that may be, but I wonder how differently things may have gone without it.