Potty training

            There, I’ve said it.  Commence running screaming from the room. 

            People can bitch all they want about breastfeeding, but I’d rather breastfeed twice and skip potty training altogether.  If anyone wants to trade, I am more than happy to wet nurse your baby for a year if you would please just come convince my kid to poop in the proper receptacle.

            Any takers?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.

            The first one potty trained early because the orderliness of it all appealed to him.  This second one?  He’s been peeing in the potty for a year, but he continues to do it in his pants if we don’t take him to the potty on time.  Worse still, we can’t just put him in underpants because the kid simply poops there.

            He will not poop on the potty.

            It doesn’t help matters that I have a baby person to care for so I can’t exactly follow him around watching for signs of pooping in his pants.  Half the reason we got an au pair is to help train this freaking child.

            He’d like to stand to pee all the time, but we will never train him to poop if we allow that, so we sit him down on the little pot.  I think whoever designed those damned potties did so with an eye to tormenting me.  Do they really think that little ledge is going to keep the pee in?  Come on, people, half the toddlers have the type of equipment that points up when they pee.

            So, I find myself hovering over him, admonishing, “Benjamin, pay attention to where your p-nis is,” which, come to think of it, is probably a life lesson in and of itself.

Note: I wrote this last week, and three days later, he was wearing underpants all the time.  “I a big boy now,” he tells me, which translates to, “most of the time I can hold in my poop until you put me in a pull-up for naptime.”

24 responses to “Potty training

  1. Those boy parts are sometimes called “dangerous weapons” in our house. They seem to have a mind of their own. Jack Jack told me the other day that his winkie decided to pee on the wall. Awesome…

  2. OMG – “Benjamin, pay attention to where your p-nis is,” which, come to think of it, is probably a life lesson in and of itself.

    Cracked me the hell up!

    We’re starting potty training with Bear because HE started it. My other two trained around age 3 and they were ready and it didn’t take too long (Shark did the refusing to poop thing too). Bear is just 2 but he asks to go and is peeing on and off in the potty. No pooping yet, but I don’t think he’ll fight that the way his brother did.

    Shark would poop on the floor before he’d go in the potty. I mean, WTF?

  3. My son was trained right at 2 1/2 and I just refused to use diapers and pull ups, he wouldnt wear underwear so he wore a long tee-shirt so he didnt flash his cousin all day long. First day he peed everywhere but by day two i guess he decided it wasnt that much fun…. the only problem we noticed was that he would hold in the poo, but for a few weeks we slipped a little prune juice in some grape juice (and he wasnt a kid that ever really got juice so this was a big treat) and that sort of “forced” him to go poo daily…then he decided it wasnt that big of a deal to take the time to go to the bathroom for that too…..

    My daughter is 11 months old, and poor thing has the family genes of constipation so its hard for her too go in a diaper (especially since she is standing up all the time walking around)….so when I hear that familiar grunt or see the face, we head to the bathroom and she goes on the potty……..I am hoping that will make things easier down the road, but I am nearly just as sure that it could backfire wickedly…..

  4. Oh, I agree. Hated potty training. Sympathy for all you’ve endured on this front.

  5. I got off easy with potty training – meaning all three for their own specific reasons (it’s tidier; I can read whilst going; it’s fun!) were quick and easy trainees. However. One Child to be unnamed was so easy to train because it figured the toilet (and water) was simply one more fabulous playground and all potty-related activities were simply target practice. Caught the Child standing straddled on the seat in order to dive-bomb the water below… sigh.

  6. My son of few words knows “P-nis down.” He still likes to sit more than actually pee, but it’s a start.

  7. ah… the joys of parenthood.

    but the penis life lesson… priceless

  8. oh crud – I meant to not spell that whole word out. if you want to edit it for search engine reasons, I totally understand

  9. I think you’ve come up with a super new toilet training method – writing about it. After all the most sure-fire way to un-train a child is to tell the world you’re finished with diapers forever. So maybe the opposite is true, too. Tell everyone this child will never train, and a miracle will happen. 😉

    I will say I live in fear of training my son. I think for neatness alone girls offer a lot of advantages. My daughter has never peed on the wall or in my eye, if you catch my drift.

  10. Hey – we’re STILL struggling with potty training around here. Bean has the idea, but now he’s in that “lazy” phase, where he will pee and poop n the floor because “I playing! No potty.”

    I’m with you, sister.

  11. I let the standing up to pee thing go, it’s what Daddy does so he got that hang of it straight away. I wish I had never bought a blasted pull up though, he’s still in them at night time, they’re a curse!

    He resisted the pooping in the potty thing until we chucked the potty and let him use the toilet, he was all into the flushing so that took care of that.

    2nd son has already started to tell me when he’s pooping so I have high hopes to train him this summer – yes I know I will eat those hopes 🙂

    He will not ever see a pull up, ever ever ever, we will do nighttime with daytime and I’ll just deal with the extra laundry for a few days or weeks or whatever.

    Good luck on your journey, the best advice I got was from my Mum who has 9 kids, she said you can battle it for 6 months or wait 6 months and he’ll do it in a week, worked for me 1st time around, fingers crossed for 2nd.

  12. lifeineden

    Oh my favorite is:
    “which translates to, ‘most of the time I can hold in my poop until you put me in a pull-up for naptime.’”

    Priceless.

  13. mine assures me it’s “pointing down” but insists on playing with it. Then of course it can no longer point down and he says, “mom, big!”. I asked my husband if he was responsible for teaching him that, but apparently my 2.5 y/o came up with that on his own.

  14. You can get a toddler sized toilet seat that fits into the regular toilet so they can sit on it. It will fit in a diaper bag, too, so when toilet trained you can go anywhere with it. Just make sure he doesn’t put it over his head. You’ll need to go to the fire department to have them saw it off. It is not true that what goes down must come up.

  15. Oh, Emily. That whole thing made me laugh, but this:
    “Benjamin, pay attention to where your p-nis is,” which, come to think of it, is probably a life lesson in and of itself.
    really did make me laugh out loud.

  16. I enjoyed that life lesson, too.

    Also, I hate potty training. It almost broke me.

  17. Potty trained caused half of my gray hair. Can I send it a bill for my hair color appointments?

  18. My youngest was completely potty trained before she turned three then regressed – today she needs a diaper to sleep again and a couple times a week pees her pants. I don’t know if it’s laziness, intential, psychological or normal. I do know it’s annoying.

  19. Nora was mostly trained (she hates pooping in general, not just the potty) and now we’ve moved and she is not trained at all. I wish this were done with!

  20. I had it easy with my daughter, who saw the pretty undies I bought her and was trained in a day, but I am DREADING potty training my son. I think I have an inherent fear of p-nii. Maybe we’ll start with sitting.

  21. Best of luck.

    #3 trained a few months ago. MAJOR cause for celebration. Done with diapers (until P or I need them down the road…)

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  23. When it comes down to toilet training toddlers a parent must have patience and understanding towards their child. Especially when going through a learining phase such as this one. Good Luck to all parents or moms.

  24. I would rather potty train than breast feed anyday. I had so much blood coming out my breasts due to my 1st child sucking so hard, she was actually drinking my blood. We noticed when she decided to puke a whole load of milk and blood up which was the most terrifying experience I can remember to date. Naturaly we rushed to hospital and all sorts before the mystery blood was diagnosed. 2 hours of extreme worry ….

    Give me baby potty training any day against breast feeding and believe me, we really struggled with our second child (a boy).

    We’re all clean and dry at noight now… 🙂