Alternative Berenstain Bears

In lieu of a meaningful post on the arrest of Henry Louis Gates, Jr. or the death of my hero, Walter Cronkite, I present to you the following list of suggestions for Stan and Fran Berenstain.  In case they ever stumble up against writer’s block, they may want to try writing a few of the following books:

The Berenstain Bears Learn to Smoke Crack

The Berenstain Bears Lose Their Virginity

The Berenstain Bears and Brother’s First Drag Show

The Berenstain Bears Fight Off Foreclosure

The Berenstain Bears and the Dyke Next Door

Now, it’s your turn.  Any suggestions?

15 responses to “Alternative Berenstain Bears

  1. The Berenstain Bears Get Profiled?

    Have you ever had the pleasure of watching the show on tv? It’s one of the shows that made me want to get rid of cable.

  2. that show is godawful

  3. Um…

    The Berenstain Bears Combat a Growing Sense of Ennui and General Purposelessness

    The Berenstain Bears Maul Bill O’Reilly

    The Berenstain Bears Retrofit Their Home with Energy-Efficient Solar Panels for a Tax Break

  4. She Started It

    The Bernstein Bears Get Swine Flue

  5. She Started It

    Oops. I meant “Flu”

  6. “The Berenstain Bears g children get arrested at the DUI checkpoint, and get returned to their parents at 3:30 in the morning. ”

    yeah. we can all relate to that, right?

  7. I must send this on to my friend Andrea who particularly hates the B.B. and their preachy ways. Brilliant.

    The Honey Pot: The Berenstain Bears Stage a Family Intervention

  8. The Berenstain Bears and their First Day in the Clink

  9. Oh man, too funny. I sort of hate the Berenstain Bears, these are cracking me up.

    Sadly, I have no good submissions of my own. I’ve sat here for 5 minutes trying to come up with something, but I’m drawing a blank. I will have to content myself with laughing at all the rest.

  10. The Berenstein Bears Trip to Rehab.

    The Berenstein Bears Run for the White House: but it all falls apart when Sister has a child out of wedlock.

    Best I could come up with.

  11. Oh, I meant to say — my FAV was:

    The Berenstain Bears Combat a Growing Sense of Ennui and General Purposelessness


  12. I hope you aren’t facing any of these parenting challenges just yet…

  13. The Berenstain Bears Learn about Papa’s Leather Fetish.

    The Berenstain Bears Uncover Mama’s Playbear Centerfold.

    The Berenstain Bears Open a Phone Sex Business.

    The Berenstain Bears Hike the Appalachian Trail.

    The Berenstain Bears and Sister’s Reassignment Surgery.

  14. The Berenstain Bears address the needs of Fuzzy Wuzzy.

  15. Oh, my goodness — a much needed laugh.

    The Berenstain Bears Lose All Their Money in the Madoff Ponzi Scheme

    The Berenstain Bears Hold Up the Local Honeypot

    The Berenstain Bears and Sister Bear’s Depression