“I am NOT wearing a coat,” Zachary exclaimed. “I am NOT cold.”
“Dude, that’s because you’re inside,” I explained. To my child, this was faulty logic. If it is warm enough inside, it is most likely warm outside. Welcome to the reasoning of the five-year-old transplant from Southern California. He complains bitterly about wearing a coat in the car or even to go outside.
His brother, on the other hand, has embraced cold-weather fashion. Having inherited Zach’s old pink mittens from London, Benjamin insists upon putting them on every time he leaves the house, even in the middle of a mild afternoon. He also wants a hat, a coat, and – if we would allow it – his snow boots.
Lilah, wisely, has figured out that a coat means she gets to go outside. So she has stopped fighting it. But the hats? She is pissed about the hats. And mittens restrict her thumb access, so you can probably figure out how well those go over.
Imagine my surprise when – the second day of school – Zachary informed me that he had worn his coat all morning. “You wore it all day?” I asked, glancing up at the teacher.
She shrugged. “We asked him several times if he wanted to take it off.”
“It’s cozy,” Zach explained. So, let me get this straight. He won’t wear a coat in the car, bitches about it outside, and yet wears it all morning in a public school that is comfortably heated to something just under tropical.
I think my kids are a little confused by the move.
The other thing that seems to be causing trouble is this whole multi-level house thing. Having lived in a little ranch house, they think the tiny three-floor rental is a goddamned palace. A dangerous palace, however, as they keep tumbling down the stairs. I have provided them with slippers, but they seem to think those work better as weapons than as protection for their feet.
Zachary scored the best room in the entire house – the attic. Seriously, if there were a way to get the king-sized bed up there, I would totally switch rooms with him. He is delighted to have his own space, and he has meticulously laid out trinkets, toys, and books on perfect angles. Unfortunately, he is also totally freaked out by being up there alone. Both boys, in fact, seem to be terrified of being on a different floor by themselves. Like twenty-something women on their way to a restaurant bathroom, they require company every time they go upstairs to get something. Which can be awfully complicated as they inevitably get into a fight and end up falling down the stairs once again.
It’s all so confusing to them. The kids pull out their umbrellas at every chance in the house, but then they drag those umbrellas behind them, upside down, in the rain. Benjamin, having learned from his teachers that December has started and snow will be arriving, keeps asking, “It’s December yet? Is it snowing out?” Since he is looking out the window and there is clearly no snow falling, the only thing we can determine is he has absolutely no idea what he’s looking for.
I’ll bet you can guess which book I read eight times today.