Dear World Leaders,
So, I hear you people have all gotten together in Copenhagen for a little retreat to talk over a couple of things having to do with luxuries like air and water. Since you are all, like, People and you are all leaders of more People, I was under the mistaken impression that your primary concern is, you know, People.
If that were the case, however, you would realize that, if we don’t take some serious fucking action, People will be extinct soon. It may seem that I am exaggerating, except it turns out that all species depend upon their environment for the basic materials of life. Shit like food and water, not to mention oxygen. And, bizarre little species that we are, People seem to be doing our very best to make sure that the very materials we rely upon are completely destroyed in short order.
I know that you world leader folks think all the stuff you are arguing over is so very important. I have read high-flown terms like “matter of principles.” You know what? I don’t give a rat’s ass in a bikini about principles at this point. I want air to breathe.
So, get over yourselves. Stop the pissing contest that uses the earth as a target. You are world leaders. Your ONE responsibility is to lead the world in saving itself. Anything else you do will not matter one damned bit because there will be no people left to enjoy whatever you have managed to accomplish.
If it helps at all, I am sure that you all have very large penises, even the women. Now that we have established that, can we move on to, you know, stopping Armageddon?