Today was day seven of mid-winter break. Yesterday, I drove all three kids home from D.C. By myself. With no potty breaks.
Today, my kids were disoriented by the lack of structure and pissed as hell that we left the House of Fun, otherwise known as Grandma and Grandpa’s house. In an effort to amuse themselves, they were belligerent and rambunctious as I tried to get them out the door to the Y and the grocery store.
Today, I changed Lilah’s diaper four times before 8:30 in the morning.
Today, my five- and three-year-old sons ran out of the grocery store while I was paying, laughing maniacally as they played among the shopping carts stored next to the busy parking lot. I left Lilah in the cart under the supervision of whomever happened to be around and herded the boys back in. “I give you a lot of credit,” the older woman in line behind me said, as I ordered the boys to sit to the side.
The checker calmly handed me my credit card slip. I moved to the side and questioned my sons on just why we have the don’t-run-out-of-the-store-without-your-parents rule. As we were walking out, a man in his sixties walked out with me. “It’s worth it in the end,” he reassured me, as he held onto the edge of my cart and helped push it along to my car.
Today, the boys played nicely together for precisely one-half hour, because I was napping on the couch.
Today, I attended three different weddings in my living room. They included circuses and repeated renditions of “Skinamarink-a-dink.” The groom was dressed in “a work suit and a hat,” while the brides wore wedding dresses. The groom’s older brother officiated, got married himself, and conducted the circus, not to mention singing “A Spoonful of Sugar.” The brides were male and female, sometimes both at the same time. Lucy was the first wife in each wedding, and she gave birth during one of the ceremonies. Lucy’s baby promptly became another bride. At the last wedding, Benjamin married four of his babies, which caused me to glance about for signs of Roman Grant in my living room.
Today, I baked muffins and cooked a chicken, rice, and vegetables for dinner.
Today, round about four-thirty, the weddings turned violent and Lilah hurt herself for the third time by trying to turn the sofa cushions into a slide. I mustered the energy to get all three kids suited up for a walk. Since the paths and road are clear of snow, I let them forgo snow boots. The boys went out the back door first while I put on my coat and shoes. I stepped out with Lilah, buckled her into her stroller, and turned around to see the boys playing in the snow. In their sneakers. Well, actually, Zachary was in his sneakers. Benjamin was in one sneaker. The other one was two feet away from him in the snow and he was bawling that his foot was wet. Needless to say, I was furious as I went back in for my boots so I could get his sneaker and then had to change both boys’ socks before we could leave.
Today, we played a rousing game of “I Spy” on our walk, then the boys played tag, much to the amusement of their sister.
Today, Zachary intentionally ruined his brother’s elaborate wedding set-up, just because it was something to do. Benjamin started sobbing, and by the time I walked in, Zachary was atop his brother, repeatedly punching a sobbing Benjamin in the nose.
Today, shit rolled downhill, and Benjamin punched his sister. For the crime of existing.
Today, when my husband walked in the door, I told him I wanted nothing to do with the children until dinner. Perhaps seeing the maniacal look in my eyes, he asked no questions.
Today explains why so many stay-at-home moms start drinking. Today is the reason we have the bright red line rule that we never raise our hands to our children, no matter what. But, most of all, today is the best argument I have ever encountered in favor of year-round schooling.