Today

Today was day seven of mid-winter break.  Yesterday, I drove all three kids home from D.C.  By myself.  With no potty breaks.

Today, my kids were disoriented by the lack of structure and pissed as hell that we left the House of Fun, otherwise known as Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  In an effort to amuse themselves, they were belligerent and rambunctious as I tried to get them out the door to the Y and the grocery store.

Today, I changed Lilah’s diaper four times before 8:30 in the morning.

Today, my five- and three-year-old sons ran out of the grocery store while I was paying, laughing maniacally as they played among the shopping carts stored next to the busy parking lot.  I left Lilah in the cart under the supervision of whomever happened to be around and herded the boys back in.  “I give you a lot of credit,” the older woman in line behind me said, as I ordered the boys to sit to the side.

The checker calmly handed me my credit card slip.  I moved to the side and questioned my sons on just why we have the don’t-run-out-of-the-store-without-your-parents rule.  As we were walking out, a man in his sixties walked out with me.  “It’s worth it in the end,” he reassured me, as he held onto the edge of my cart and helped push it along to my car.

Today, the boys played nicely together for precisely one-half hour, because I was napping on the couch.

Today, I attended three different weddings in my living room.  They included circuses and repeated renditions of “Skinamarink-a-dink.”  The groom was dressed in “a work suit and a hat,” while the brides wore wedding dresses.  The groom’s older brother officiated, got married himself, and conducted the circus, not to mention singing “A Spoonful of Sugar.”  The brides were male and female, sometimes both at the same time.  Lucy was the first wife in each wedding, and she gave birth during one of the ceremonies.  Lucy’s baby promptly became another bride.  At the last wedding, Benjamin married four of his babies, which caused me to glance about for signs of Roman Grant in my living room.

Today, I baked muffins and cooked a chicken, rice, and vegetables for dinner.

Today, round about four-thirty, the weddings turned violent and Lilah hurt herself for the third time by trying to turn the sofa cushions into a slide.  I mustered the energy to get all three kids suited up for a walk.  Since the paths and road are clear of snow, I let them forgo snow boots. The boys went out the back door first while I put on my coat and shoes.  I stepped out with Lilah, buckled her into her stroller, and turned around to see the boys playing in the snow.  In their sneakers.  Well, actually, Zachary was in his sneakers.  Benjamin was in one sneaker.  The other one was two feet away from him in the snow and he was bawling that his foot was wet.  Needless to say, I was furious as I went back in for my boots so I could get his sneaker and then had to change both boys’ socks before we could leave.

Today, we played a rousing game of “I Spy” on our walk, then the boys played tag, much to the amusement of their sister.

Today, Zachary intentionally ruined his brother’s elaborate wedding set-up, just because it was something to do.  Benjamin started sobbing, and by the time I walked in, Zachary was atop his brother, repeatedly punching a sobbing Benjamin in the nose.

Today, shit rolled downhill, and Benjamin punched his sister.  For the crime of existing.

Today, when my husband walked in the door, I told him I wanted nothing to do with the children until dinner.  Perhaps seeing the maniacal look in my eyes, he asked no questions.

Today explains why so many stay-at-home moms start drinking.  Today is the reason we have the bright red line rule that we never raise our hands to our children, no matter what.  But, most of all, today is the best argument I have ever encountered in favor of year-round schooling.

14 responses to “Today

  1. Yes, sometimes you just gotta hand them off. I appreciate my girl much more when our time together is not unending.

  2. I took my twins and a friend to the Science Museum today, because I’m a badass and can do that on one of the busiest museum days. I had just finished congratulating myself that I hadn’t lost anyone when, yep, I lost someone (one of mine). I looked for a few minutes, then a mother told me that he hadn’t wandered far and the other two were now sitting with them. Whatever- no emergency phone calls necessary.

    Later, when I was kindergartener free, I passed a mother on the street with two similar looking children. “Are they twins?” Yep. When I told her mine were five, she was heartened that I had lasted that long. My reaction exactly when I meet someone with twins in their twenties.

    I do like having all of my monkeys with me, but it’s a sweeter feeling after having them in school for two years. Five years straight and I would probably have killed someone.

  3. That was one very long day. I’m exhausted just reading about it. (I also got a few giggles about the weddings, especially the bit about Lucy giving birth during one of the ceremonies. I’m glad to hear that she is doing so well these days. I hope she is happy in her marriages.)

  4. Your today…may be my tomorrow…I hope you got your drink. It sounds like you needed that.

  5. It sounds about a week’s worth of a day.

  6. I know those days, too. I think they are the reason that chocolate and children’s television were invented. I hope that tomorrow is a better day.

  7. Today, I read your post. And today, I wondered how I’m ever going to make it with three kiddos … and no Lucy or year-round school.

    “It’s worth it in the end.” God bless that man.

  8. I have been feeling crazed lately with the snow and the days off school. I pulled out a book with 700 classic games and activities so I could come up with things for the 5 year old to do. Now I’m being tyrannized about the book. “Mom, I’ve already played kitchen table fort, sorted pasta, hopped around with a ball between my knees, polished apples, and played Simon Says. What’s our next activity? Can you find me another activity? When can I get another activity?”

    At a Mexican restaurant last night I admit I let him watch scooby doo on the phone with earbuds while I downed sangria.

  9. As others said — your today, is easily my tomorrow. I will sign any petition for year-round school!

  10. Loved your description of the weddings — so exciting! So many thrills! If only real life weddings were like that :).

    Sounds like it’s been a long, long week…hope next week is better.

  11. I love this post. Sigh. Life. Gotta love it.

    You just reminded me why I’d never, ever, ever homeschool. *shudder*

  12. Days like that suck the life out of me.

  13. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers, especially on a day like that.

  14. I am still so very impressed that you did the drive there and back with you as the only parent in the car.