Notes from BlogHer

To the hideous hyena fishwife of a woman who stood in the hallway of the fourteenth floor of the Hilton at 5:08 this morning and banged on the wall shouting, “Shut the fuck up! People are trying to sleep!”

I have not been away from my kids for two years.  Lately, I get up every morning at 5 so I can write in peace on the dining room table.  Then, at 6:30, my husband and my daughter get up.  On alternate days, I run.  The other days, he goes to the gym.  I then spend my entire day in service to my children – wiping asses, cooking food, shuttling children between camp and friends houses and tae kwon do and the library.  I have Zachary read to me every day and do puzzles with Benjamin and let Lilah stick her head between my knees when I am on the toilet because she likes to watch the pee come out and then cheer for me.  When Ben’s tae kwon do master said he had to learn to count in Korean, I started teaching him to count in Korean, no easy feat given that I know no Korean and he just recently learned to count in English.

My kids are in bed by 8:30, and I try to be in bed by 9:00, but it never works because – even though my husband does the nighttime chores of garbage and wiping the counters and putting away the toy piecesparts – I usually have enough to do to keep me up so I don’t get to sleep till 9:30 or 10.

I do not watch TV.  I do not see friends.  I read two pages of a book a night because I have a fucking Ph.D. in literature and even if it takes me a year, I will read a book.

I came to BlogHer to see people and learn things, but mostly I came as an excuse to get the fuck away from my kids and my life for two days.  Two days when I could let loose, not be responsible to someone else, read eight pages of the book if I wanted to, talk to other adults, and sleep the fuck in.  Until 6:30 in the morning.  All I wanted?  Was to sleep in until 6:30 in the morning.

I am the people who were trying to sleep.

So, although I couldn’t go back to sleep, I hope you did.  Because today I am going to find out who you are.  Then, tonight, while you are asleep in your bed, I will scale the fourteen floors of the building, sneak into your room, stand over your bed, and count to ten in Korean at the top of my lungs.

18 responses to “Notes from BlogHer

  1. 🙂 Hope the rest of your trip is more fun! Revenge is sweet.

  2. Mmm. I always look forward to extra sleep in hotels, but that’s where I sleep the worst. On the rare occasion that someone isn’t on poor behavior, the sounds of plumbing and air conditioning and fire doors slamming keep me tossing and turning. Maybe a mid afternoon nap?

  3. You could print this post and slip it under all the doors on the 14th floor.

  4. I KNOW! Some of these women act like they are never let our of the house.

    WTF?

    I’ll help you with revenge. I kind of excel at it.

    You’re welcome.

  5. ok, our should have been out.

  6. Okay, that totally sucks, absolutely. But I can’t help but completely laugh because man, Murphy’s Law is so right.

  7. I love Magpie’s idea.

  8. This made me laugh out loud. I read pieces of it to my h. I hope the rest of your weekend is magnificent.

  9. I can safely say, I was not that woman. Though, I sometimes think of doing such but then I realize — that’s just going to bring me bad karma.

    It was great to meet you at BlogHer!

  10. Excuse my Korena, but fuck that! Count to ten in Korean, Spanish, French and every other language you can Google.

  11. Korean, not Korena. Sisterhood fail.

  12. Marvelously well-composed post—things here on the 35th floor have been quieter, but if they go awry this evening, as a fellow TKD mom, I will whip out a little “Hana! Dul! Set! Net!….”

    Loved what you said today in that last session. You most assuredly are a gifted writer. Happy to have found your blog. 🙂

  13. ooooooh, rude. I fart in her general direction

  14. Pingback: From over here in the cheap seats « Wheels on the bus

  15. “I came to BlogHer to see people and learn things, but mostly I came as an excuse to get the fuck away from my kids and my life for two days. Two days when I could let loose, not be responsible to someone else, read eight pages of the book if I wanted to, talk to other adults, and sleep the fuck in. Until 6:30 in the morning. All I wanted? Was to sleep in until 6:30 in the morning.” LOL. Right on! Only the sleeping part I didn’t do. Oh, and the reading part slipped away also. I am one of the polite drunks who took our drinking and vulgar conversations to the BARs.

  16. Just wanted to say, I loved this post.

    I just commented on my friend Sarah’s post about this. About the need for four days away. Four days to sorta leave behind the me I am at home and be a different me. It’s a needed thing every now and then I think.

    I didn’t sleep much though.

  17. I think I love you and this is the very first time I’ve read your blog. LOVE.

  18. I never have sound sleep.. I’m the one among who were trying to sleep.