Our school district – in its wisdom – decided that the kindergarteners need to do a week of standardized testing. This despite the fact that half the kids can’t read and the other half will be too distracted by picking their noses for the test to have any validity. Now, normally, I would just chalk this up to a colossal waste of time and resources.
The kindergarten teachers felt they needed to reassure the kids that testing is not a big deal. For a week and a half before the actual testing begins.
Yes, they announced to the kids a week and a half ago that there would be testing. They had the children practice using privacy folders, which are meant to curtail the wandering eyes. They told them to be sure not to tire themselves out, eat a good breakfast, and get plenty of rest.
Now, if you want to make sure that my particular kindergartener does not get plenty of rest, the best possible way to do so is to inform him a week and a half before you start testing that he is going to be tested.
He began by telling me he would need to miss tae kwon do on testing week. I got his teacher to talk to him and explain that physical activity is actually a good thing to engage in. She told him that testing really is nothing to worry about.
I repeated the message, as did his therapist. I even went so far as to explain to him that the testing was just there to help figure out if the teachers are teaching the material well.
Clearly, he was unconvinced. He has been awake for hours every night, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. He fell apart on a playdate. He has been hideous to his mother and brother.
OK, that last one has nothing to do with the testing, but I wanted to complain about it anyway.
Testing starts this morning. It will last a week. On the one hand, I am thrilled to get started so it will be over with soon. On the other hand, I know this is just the beginning of two decades of this shit, starting with the kindergarten tests in which they have to identify which picture is three o’clock and ending in cold sweats for months before the LSATs.
I wonder if he’ll need a privacy folder for the Bar Exam.